the cycle of feeling.

There's a little over a month until school starts again. Already. Little. Over. A. Month. I really don't understand how the concept of time works; you want more of it when it's withering, and you want it to slow down when it's slipping past. Though most of my summer has consisted of the routine of going to work, doing homework and laying in my bed, some things have happened here and there. I've felt a lot of things. And for those who are interested, I figured I'd share my summer with you in the form of emotions.

Boredom: We'll start here. I have spent more time lying horizontally in these past few months than I think I have in my entire life. When I am on my feet (okay, it's not as rare as I make it seem), I most likely have a green apron tied around my body and a Sharpie in my pocket. Working at a Starbucks on a college campus during the summer hasn't been as dreadful as I imagined it would. It's nice taking bathroom breaks and there not being a line, or whipping out the French press to try the newest dark roast. However, I have done more crossword puzzles than ever before. I still suck at them but hey, I'm getting paid for it. And free coffee, I mean, come on.

Pain: I love irony. I don't always love it when it comes in the form of a fractured foot. At the beginning of the summer, I wanted to let off some steam so I attended a free self-defense class. We did a lot of kicking and I went hard. I am also a very fragile human being so original injury happened by kicking a bag. In the following days I had a lot of pain in my right foot; it hurt to walk and it hurt to stand. Two X-rays and a $50 copay later, I would eventually get the result that my foot was fractured. I hurt myself in a self-defense class. The irony.

One upon a time, I tried to draw. The end.

Adrenaline: I mentioned original injury. So, as a Mizzou student, I am liable to do, or at least attempt, the "Seven Traditions of MU". Some of these include streaking and scaling buildings that could get you expelled (#OneMizzou). One of them, however, just requires guts; kissing the 50-yard line of the football stadium. Some people would say that doing so at the end of a football game counts, but where's the fun in that? Me and some of my friends slipped between the locked gate and kissed that line (sorry mom). Oh the adrenaline! Fast forward to later in the evening after sprinting on my already hurt foot and doing another one of the traditions: riding the tiger. Riding the tiger looks easy but you've gotta have a little air. I jumped on my already hurt foot and that's when it happened. I felt the break and everything. Now the truth is coming out to how I actually injured my foot... (sorry again mom).  

Fear: I mentioned this previously, but there was a timeframe of two days when I thought I lost my wallet. Do you know how terrifying it is to think that someone has access to your bank accounts? Actually, that part wasn't too terrifying; I probably had $30 in my checking account max. Nonetheless, it was still scary.

Okay, I'm terrified of spiders. If you ever want me to cry or get me to stop talking to you for the rest of your life, throw a spider on me. Last week, my roommates were out getting a movie and I was cleaning up the kitchen, and there one was. A little bigger than a quarter. An hour and a half later, it drowned in our kitchen sink. RIP.

When I went on my road trip with Heather, we drove through the night on our way there. During one of my shifts of driving, I drifted off to sleep at the wheel. I opened my eyes to the terrifying sight of me heading towards bushes, or whatever those weird things are on the side of the road in New Mexico. There were no cars around, thank goodness (also, again....sorry mom).

Awestruck: Heather and I traveled to New Mexico and Colorado to visit some of our closest friends. It was incredible. One of my favorite moments of the entire trip was when I went with Heather and Iesha and drove up Trail Ridge for sunset. Trail Ridge is a road up a mountain that takes around 40 minutes to reach the top. The view is wonderful and breathtaking and makes you feel small in the best way. It was a little cloudy that evening and I lightheartedly asked God if He could give us a beautiful sunset at our arrival. He delivered.

Happiness: You know those moments that have the power to shut everyone up because of its beauty. This was something I observed on the 4th of July. Noise, talking, screaming, playing and then boom. Silence, admiration and appreciation for fire in the sky.

Anger: You ever come across someone that is in such a bad mood, they have the potential to ruin your week. Or vice versa. That has happened a lot. You know, I'm just going to leave that one there.

Excitement: Well, I turn 20 next week. One of my best friends in the entire world will be here to visit me here in Columbia this weekend. My online classes are almost finished. The prequel to my favorite book, To Kill A Mockingbird was just released and I can't wait to read it.

Of course there have been moments of sadness, bursts of joy and times of love; the more intimate things in life. They have all been there. Even if the emotions you're feeling aren't always stable, the presence of them always will be. It's a beautiful thing to feel. It reminds you how truly alive you are. We are.