you can't change the world.

I'm disturbed.

I hesitated on touching on this subject, but I think it's time I put my two cents in. Let me start by saying it won't bother me if you disagree with me. Notice I didn't say, "I don't care if you disagree" because that's false. I do care. However, I believe there's an unspoken step that should be taken after disagreement occurs. So it begins.

Duck Dynasty and Miley Cyrus.

I know the first thing that sparked in your mind when you read Duck Dynasty was the recent homosexual controversy. As for Miley Cyrus, it was probably her crazed performances skyrocketing her fame.

My disturbia arises from Miley's latest music video, released today. I know I chose to watch it, but I was shocked at how inappropriate it was. For those of you who choose not to watch it, I'll summarize it by comparing it to a Hardee's commercial, minus the food and adding a bed full of sheets. My thoughts were as follows:

-She's trying to break another record and I'm contributing to it
-She's rolling in fortune because of this?
-She looks pretty without makeup on

I recently saw an accurate picture describing my thoughts on Miley Cyrus vs. Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson. It read, "Miley Cyrus gropes herself on national TV and it's considered freedom of expression but Phil Robertson practices his Christian beliefs and he is banned." I know some people can argue that Miley is practicing HER beliefs, but come on. Please try and understand.

I must admit, I have not watched/read the Phil Robertson's interview in its entirety. However, I do disagree with the decision to ban him from Duck Dynasty (one of the cleanest shows aired to date in my opinion). Let me further add, I also wouldn't want Miley Cyrus and her famous vulgarity to be banned either. Aside from the fact that I don't hold that power, even if I did, I wouldn't choose it. Whaaaat?

Here's where I believe the fault lies in our society.

If you think about it, we are teaching our next generation to ELIMINATE what we disagree with (Phil Robertson) and encouraging them to express themselves in a carefree way (Miley Cyrus). I'll play Devil's advocate for those of you, in saying that Miley Cyrus does care about her appeal and she is doing no harm to little girls and what they see. Okay, so then ignore the second part, and focus solely on the first part about why we shouldn't eliminate our disbeliefs. The small things we can control in our lives? Yes. Throw out the cigarettes, pour out the alcohol, flip the channel from that garbage (perhaps for you it's Duck Dynasty haha). The changes I'm referring to are the ones in this world and the people living in it. "You can change the world." No you can't. You can alter the mindset of many people, but you can't reach them all.

How will we fully know our opinions and beliefs about such things if it weren't for an opposing side? Or, how will the ones we are teaching (myself included, I'm still young) develop a sense of self with our generation's expectations claiming everyone must agree with the media's "norm" Bologna.

There must be choices. Good or bad. I'd rather have bad choices presented to me than no choices. Then I could choose not to choose. For example, I could choose not to watch Miley Cyrus and you could choose not to watch Duck Dynasty. So let's stop getting our panties in a bunch and think about how boring this world would be if we all agreed about everything. Let me conclude by saying this is a tad bit exaggerated. I like some of Miley's songs, though I really do disagree with her presentation. But you need exaggeration for people to listen.

I hope you read this and understand my point, agreeing or not, please be kind on either side. If you completely disagree, good. It means you have a backbone.

home bittersweet home.

As many of you may know, I'm officially on my first Christmas break as a college student. I must admit that coming back home has been something I have been dreading for a while. Can you say nostalgia?

Holy cow.

I have transformed in many ways. And the thought of coming home absolutely terrified me. Countlessly, I heard people talk about how difficult their first break home was from college. But why? The idea of this drove me up the wall. So first came DENIAL...

-My house is still the same.
-My family is still the same.
-My church is still the same.

Then, probably about a month ago, the lightbulb triggered. Ohhhh, I'M different (this is sort of a continuation from my last post). Let me clarify that it isn't a "I hate home and never want to go back" type of deal. Mom, I still love you the same. It's more of surrounding myself with a new atmosphere, growing happily there and then finding it strange to go back home and feel out of place at the only place you knew to provide security prior. Let me backtrack.

Something that I have always wondered is who are we really before we encounter certain people God places in our paths? For example, picture the happiest couple you can think of. Let's say their names are Sally and Bill. Okay, now imagine Sally before she met Bill. Blissful, yet shy. Full of wisdom, but always outspoken. Then she meets Bill and she adjusts her lifestyle to mold into his. I think we're aware of how our typical mushy, gushy relationship functions. Anyway, we ALL make transitions by WHO we meet. Some good, some bad, but hopefully we are all challenging ourselves each and every day for the better. Through my experiences until this point, I have found myself eliminating habits and developing routines to better myself and to set a good example for those surrounding me. A crap ton of alterations in my life, I can assure you of that.

Next step: BITTERNESS. You come back and you return to the mindset you were in when you left. Yuck. Hindered progression is the best! *Sarcasm* So then, you attempt to blend your separate lives by telling stories, showing pictures and pointing to new faces and more than anything, wanting to show them want you've learned. Ahh, REALIZATION.

Truth is, we're all meant to grow apart from ones we never thought we would, invest ourselves deeper into crowds we always thought we should and somehow blend them into one. Basically, our predications for our future are laughable in comparison to God's.

When I was about 6 years old, this ginger girl moved into the house down the street from me. I befriended this girl, or maybe she befriended me, but either way, we were soon inseparable. Then our hearts were crushed and it did more damage than a middle school breakup could ever do when we found out that Heather was moving away again. So we cried and she moved and the end. HA, just kidding. I promise you there's hope in every situation. Basically, Heather moved and we did grow apart. To my knowledge, that was it. But, referring to what I said earlier, someone else had bigger plans. Turns out, Heather decided to go to Mizzou also and as of this fall, we're reunited and picking up our friendship like we never skipped a beat.

My point is, we were meant to spend that time apart to grow separately so that one day we could reunite and be friends again, yet in a different way, each of us ready with new lessons learned to present to the other.

The final step. My favorite. ENJOYMENT. This entire time I've been handling thoughts about returning home wrongly. I carry the privilege of showing the ones I love here what I love there and teaching someone we love something new. We all do.  

On a side-note, oh my goodness, it is just like good ole' times back home. My dear friend, Clarisse from Brazil returned to visit America! She is currently on the other end of my couch. I can sense her fighting sleep as we speak. Or maybe that's me. Aside from Clarisse's time here, I have officially worked a shift at Pog's for the first time in five months. And I enjoyed every bite of that free pizza. Every. Bite. And now I'm sitting here wondering, why was I dreading this? This is the good life. Leaving a wonderful place you're still trying to figure out, to returning to a place you know like the back of your hand. And then blending them together.

Update: Clarisse is now snoring.

In conclusion, we all need each other. We need to absorb and teach but on the other side of it, we need to listen. I don't care who you are or your age. One of my favorite quotes is, "Every person knows something we don't." THAT'S INSANELY AMAZING. Imagine if you walked up to a random stranger and simply asked them, "What is the most valuable lesson you've ever learned?" I bet you it would blow your socks off. L-I-S-T-E-N. We don't do enough of it in this world. We think we know all of the answers when in reality, we're unaware of most of the questions.

I know my two posts so far have been really deep (my comfort zone...ironic), so I promise to do something lighthearted next time, such as what FRIENDS has taught me.

Stay awesome, everyone.

"To answer before listening-- that is folly and shame." Proverbs 18:13

a place I had never been.

There's no doubt changes have occurred these past few months. Usually when one hears the word "change" the initial reaction is to fear it, deny it, avoid it, yadda yadda yadda. As for myself, I too, approached change in all of the wrong ways.

Don't worry, this isn't a bitter post where I continue to tell you about all of the missed opportunities in my life due to weakness. No, instead, this is where I tell you how I changed the way I confronted change and why it has made the world of a difference. It all started right here: College.

Let me tell you a little bit about me first.

I come from a small town called Festus, Missouri (Fetus, Misery is somehow a thing there). I went to school with the same people up until graduation, I was practically born in my home church and still do consider it my home church, and I've lived in the same house since I was a baby. Okay, so as far as locational changes go, I never had any exposure and I think that's usually the way it is for most kids growing up. Now focus on "big" changes that happen in one's life. Losing a loved one, graduating high school, quitting the best first job ever for college (I miss free pizza), and so on. I do hold experience in all of those areas. Most of those "big" changes are changes enforced by other people or due to the circumstances. Losing a loved one is obviously out of your control because I think we are all aware we are not God. School is required by law (and your parents), and then by the time when you can make your own decisions, well you may as well graduate (for many reasons). And then quitting a job for college... Well, you get it.

So far we have:
1) Locational changes- some move, some don't
2) Major changes- causes discomfort and throws us off

And my personal favorite,
3) Personal changes- the ones YOU control

Okay, now I'll start explaining and stop blabbing. I've always thought this cheesy analogy, "God won't tell you where to go, but He'll give you a map." Meaning? God will lead you to your destination; how you arrive there is up to you. The personal changes are what I missed. Hardly ever did I stray away from what I knew to provide comfort, security and peace. And then, BOOM. College.

When I first arrived in Columbia, I felt numb. Not in the pitiful sense, but in the I don't even know what to feel right now way. My friends and family miles away, like anyone, my only thought was, "What do I do now?" I focused on what I knew made me Madi Lee. I love coffee, books, hot sauce, the show FRIENDS, big cities and more than anything, I LOVE GOD. So I cared for my coffee station like it was my child, read, ate hot chips, watched FRIENDS and desperately wanted to find a church.

I had heard about The Rock through a family friend. Was I planning on going to that one? Sorta, kinda. I didn't know where to go or what to do.

*Enter Kirstin Schulz*

Someone I admire so dearly now was a stranger to me four short months ago. A stranger with a popsicle. Did I fill out the contact information card for a popsicle or for The Rock? Honestly, both.

The empty time slots between then and now, you can guess what happened. God placed these people in my life. Amazing people that were all on fire for God like me, yet different in so many unique ways. Spending more and more time with each and everyone of them, I felt inspired to explore and try new things:

1) Production Team: Since when was I tech-savy? Totally just went for it.
2) Constantly wanting to be artsy: I can't draw a stick figure, but I'm shooting for those Pinterest painting ideas.
3) Sunrises: "Sunrises hold far more power than sunsets." Okay, but I do not have the will-power to wake up that early every day nor do I want to. Boy, I was wrong. Is it still a struggle to wake up? Heck yes. Is it worth it? You're experiencing the world God waking the world up...YES.
4) MOVE magazine: I have written two articles now and applied for a weekly column (sadly I didn't get it). I ignored those emails with stories for the first month of school.
5) Blogging: I have wanted to have a blog for a since this past summer but I didn't act on it. By the way, this is my first blog post so don't be too hard on me.
6) Food: I still drink coffee and eat spicy food like a maniac, but HOLY CRAP. Chipotle burritos are the best thing since sliced pie (I add hot sauce on my burrito). And Café Berlin doesn't need an explanation.

7) GOD, GOD, MORE GOD: I'm closer than ever to him. I don't just sit through a service on Sunday mornings and continue on with the rest of my week until the next. I constantly surround myself with followers of Christ, I make God-time a daily priority and I have challenging conversations with my best friend (what a joy that is). 

8) Colorado LT: I'm living in Colorado during the summer of 2014. More to come about that later, but I completely rejected that opportunity when I first heard about it. 

Those are a few changes that have happened in my life in these past few months. I know some of you are still thinking what a deprived child I was for college being the first time I tried Chipotle. 

Overall, before college, I was confused why people said change was a good thing. The only changes in my life were major things, in which I had no control over. I learned what it meant to control the personal changes in my life by jumping into the unknown. 

Right outside my comfort zone was a place I had never been before. That's where I belong.