This is not solely a sliver of hope but a call for help. Tonight, as I am alone in my bed, my thoughts are closing in on me and I am feeling defeat. Not defeat now, but defeat coming. It is a scary feeling to anticipate such a thing.
I have observed and taken note of many evil things in life. Recently, death, depression, pain, and sadness are themes that are controlling the life of the ones I deeply love and care about. I tossed and I turned and sobbed for help. Help for myself. Help for my dear friends. I am feeling it all.
Again, this is not a granted assurance that everything is okay. But rather, comfort in knowing it's okay I'm feeling this all.
If you feel too much, I have something to say.
I too am wrestling such fear day by day.
If you feel too much, do not run away.
Go towards Him in preparation to pray.
If you feel too much, you have nothing to fear.
Close your eyes and open your ears.
If you feel too much, listen instead.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid," He said.
If you feel too much, you are not alone.
Join with others in knowing you aren't your own.
If you feel too much, resist temptation of looking ahead.
Today carries enough worries of its own He said.
If you feel too much, let it not be thoughts of sin.
Rest your head and feel love; evil does not win.
I'm here seeing the hard. I'm here until I see the better.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Friday, June 5, 2015
watch your step.
Hello, yes, I'm still here.
I think the last time I have been blogger present was Christmas break. That makes me incredibly sad because what have I been doing with my life these past 6 months? Well, let me catch you up.
Aside from classes and working, my spring semester was filled with surprises nonetheless. Yes, there were the sappy, obvious life lessons that taught me more about friendship, discipline and myself. I grew in friendships with some, where I took note of the progress that needed to be made in others. I opened at my job that required a lot of early mornings and earlier bedtimes, which taught me discipline. I took mini adventures like seeing my favorite band, Needtobreathe, in concert or getting my nose pierced for my own fulfillment. But sometimes, it's the small things in life that you pass over without blinking that have the potential for the biggest impact.
One Saturday morning in the spring semester, I was walking out of my apartment and down the stairwell, when I noticed a circle of vomit. I know, bear with me. I saw it and was disgusted, and left it, hoping it would be cleaned up by the time I was home later that evening. It wasn't. We live on the third, and highest, floor. We were almost certain that it was our neighbors down the stairs that created this catastrophe mid party. This meant two things: 1. It could have been a stranger that attended the party, wandered up some stairs, puked and left. 2. Us people on the third floor were the only ones that were going to see it every time we came up and down. Like any other reasonable person, we had no desire to touch or clean up vomit that wasn't ours. EW. Please do not judge us when I say that the vomit was left there, untouched, for almost two weeks. Two. Weeks. It grossed us out for sure, and we so badly wanted it gone, but we didn't want to put in that effort to clean it up. It actually got to the point where out of habit we would made an extra wide turn coming up the steps, just shy of the vomit.
This story does have a happy ending, I promise. Finallllly, we used our college brains and emailed our landlords about this unfortunate event that had occurred and the next day? The carpet was spotless. HAHA not really, I live in a building that actually reads, "Historic Property". But it was cleaned up!
My brother couldn't comprehend how we possibly lived with looking at it that long and not choosing to do something about it two weeks later. I wish I could answer that question myself.
This summer I decided to stay in Columbia. I'm working and taking online classes. Whenever I made this decision awhile back, it seemed more exciting than it is now. Don't get me wrong, I've already made some great Columbia summer memories with some cool people, but man, it's hard not to compare. It's hard to think at this time last year I was with so many incredible people, living out such an extravagent summer. It's hard to know some of your best friends are either back in Colorado, moving home to support raise for staff, traveling to Honduras, in New Mexico for an internship or back at home. When you so badly want them to be here with you. Or you there with them.
Like I said, CoMo summer has already been eventful. Me and the few of my best friends that are here too have kept busy. We've traveled to witness a beautiful wedding ceremony. We've had a picnic at the top of a parking garage at night. We've captured a live bat that was flying around our apartment. We've discovered new, beautiful parts of Columbia through our wandering drives. It hasn't all been a breeze, though.
On Tuesday of this week, I went to go get snowcones with some friends. While we were outside, enjoying our snowcones by the cars, I had set my wallet on the hood of my friend's car. That was the last time I remembered seeing it. Fast-forward to the next day when I go into full panic at the realization of not having a clue where my wallet is. Checked both cars. Not there. Checked the snowcone place. Not there. Called the Columbia Police Department. Not there. I had accepted it was gone and took the next steps. I had the most interesting day going to the bank trying to get a temporary debit card, and then them telling me I needed a photo ID which I did not have. And then going to the DMV office and waiting to get a new license where I then realized I didn't have any money to pay for it. HA. During this entire (PAIN IN THE BUTT) process, I so badly wanted my wallet to show up. I wanted to know where it was. I wanted it to be there right then and never disappear again.
Man, isn't it funny how we want some things to vanish so desparately, but then other things we just want them there with us? That vomit was disgusting and needed to be gone. But it stayed. My wallet needed to be there but it was gone. What then? I feel as if that's what this summer is about for me. The things I want are distant but that doesn't mean my own personal growth should be halted. I can still take advantage of this refreshing summer to learn, read, travel, adventure and grow in many ways (even if it's a pain in the butt process). And of course, it's good to come face to face with the messy stuff and to have people alongside you. Sometimes what you need to satisfy your life will take work. Or sometimes, it's your roommate lifting up the couch cushion to find your wallet underneath. And
then you feel like an idiot. Live and learn. Live and learn. That's what this summer is dedicated to.
I think the last time I have been blogger present was Christmas break. That makes me incredibly sad because what have I been doing with my life these past 6 months? Well, let me catch you up.
Aside from classes and working, my spring semester was filled with surprises nonetheless. Yes, there were the sappy, obvious life lessons that taught me more about friendship, discipline and myself. I grew in friendships with some, where I took note of the progress that needed to be made in others. I opened at my job that required a lot of early mornings and earlier bedtimes, which taught me discipline. I took mini adventures like seeing my favorite band, Needtobreathe, in concert or getting my nose pierced for my own fulfillment. But sometimes, it's the small things in life that you pass over without blinking that have the potential for the biggest impact.
One Saturday morning in the spring semester, I was walking out of my apartment and down the stairwell, when I noticed a circle of vomit. I know, bear with me. I saw it and was disgusted, and left it, hoping it would be cleaned up by the time I was home later that evening. It wasn't. We live on the third, and highest, floor. We were almost certain that it was our neighbors down the stairs that created this catastrophe mid party. This meant two things: 1. It could have been a stranger that attended the party, wandered up some stairs, puked and left. 2. Us people on the third floor were the only ones that were going to see it every time we came up and down. Like any other reasonable person, we had no desire to touch or clean up vomit that wasn't ours. EW. Please do not judge us when I say that the vomit was left there, untouched, for almost two weeks. Two. Weeks. It grossed us out for sure, and we so badly wanted it gone, but we didn't want to put in that effort to clean it up. It actually got to the point where out of habit we would made an extra wide turn coming up the steps, just shy of the vomit.
This story does have a happy ending, I promise. Finallllly, we used our college brains and emailed our landlords about this unfortunate event that had occurred and the next day? The carpet was spotless. HAHA not really, I live in a building that actually reads, "Historic Property". But it was cleaned up!
My brother couldn't comprehend how we possibly lived with looking at it that long and not choosing to do something about it two weeks later. I wish I could answer that question myself.
This summer I decided to stay in Columbia. I'm working and taking online classes. Whenever I made this decision awhile back, it seemed more exciting than it is now. Don't get me wrong, I've already made some great Columbia summer memories with some cool people, but man, it's hard not to compare. It's hard to think at this time last year I was with so many incredible people, living out such an extravagent summer. It's hard to know some of your best friends are either back in Colorado, moving home to support raise for staff, traveling to Honduras, in New Mexico for an internship or back at home. When you so badly want them to be here with you. Or you there with them.
Like I said, CoMo summer has already been eventful. Me and the few of my best friends that are here too have kept busy. We've traveled to witness a beautiful wedding ceremony. We've had a picnic at the top of a parking garage at night. We've captured a live bat that was flying around our apartment. We've discovered new, beautiful parts of Columbia through our wandering drives. It hasn't all been a breeze, though.
On Tuesday of this week, I went to go get snowcones with some friends. While we were outside, enjoying our snowcones by the cars, I had set my wallet on the hood of my friend's car. That was the last time I remembered seeing it. Fast-forward to the next day when I go into full panic at the realization of not having a clue where my wallet is. Checked both cars. Not there. Checked the snowcone place. Not there. Called the Columbia Police Department. Not there. I had accepted it was gone and took the next steps. I had the most interesting day going to the bank trying to get a temporary debit card, and then them telling me I needed a photo ID which I did not have. And then going to the DMV office and waiting to get a new license where I then realized I didn't have any money to pay for it. HA. During this entire (PAIN IN THE BUTT) process, I so badly wanted my wallet to show up. I wanted to know where it was. I wanted it to be there right then and never disappear again.
Man, isn't it funny how we want some things to vanish so desparately, but then other things we just want them there with us? That vomit was disgusting and needed to be gone. But it stayed. My wallet needed to be there but it was gone. What then? I feel as if that's what this summer is about for me. The things I want are distant but that doesn't mean my own personal growth should be halted. I can still take advantage of this refreshing summer to learn, read, travel, adventure and grow in many ways (even if it's a pain in the butt process). And of course, it's good to come face to face with the messy stuff and to have people alongside you. Sometimes what you need to satisfy your life will take work. Or sometimes, it's your roommate lifting up the couch cushion to find your wallet underneath. And
then you feel like an idiot. Live and learn. Live and learn. That's what this summer is dedicated to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)