home bittersweet home.

As many of you may know, I'm officially on my first Christmas break as a college student. I must admit that coming back home has been something I have been dreading for a while. Can you say nostalgia?

Holy cow.

I have transformed in many ways. And the thought of coming home absolutely terrified me. Countlessly, I heard people talk about how difficult their first break home was from college. But why? The idea of this drove me up the wall. So first came DENIAL...

-My house is still the same.
-My family is still the same.
-My church is still the same.

Then, probably about a month ago, the lightbulb triggered. Ohhhh, I'M different (this is sort of a continuation from my last post). Let me clarify that it isn't a "I hate home and never want to go back" type of deal. Mom, I still love you the same. It's more of surrounding myself with a new atmosphere, growing happily there and then finding it strange to go back home and feel out of place at the only place you knew to provide security prior. Let me backtrack.

Something that I have always wondered is who are we really before we encounter certain people God places in our paths? For example, picture the happiest couple you can think of. Let's say their names are Sally and Bill. Okay, now imagine Sally before she met Bill. Blissful, yet shy. Full of wisdom, but always outspoken. Then she meets Bill and she adjusts her lifestyle to mold into his. I think we're aware of how our typical mushy, gushy relationship functions. Anyway, we ALL make transitions by WHO we meet. Some good, some bad, but hopefully we are all challenging ourselves each and every day for the better. Through my experiences until this point, I have found myself eliminating habits and developing routines to better myself and to set a good example for those surrounding me. A crap ton of alterations in my life, I can assure you of that.

Next step: BITTERNESS. You come back and you return to the mindset you were in when you left. Yuck. Hindered progression is the best! *Sarcasm* So then, you attempt to blend your separate lives by telling stories, showing pictures and pointing to new faces and more than anything, wanting to show them want you've learned. Ahh, REALIZATION.

Truth is, we're all meant to grow apart from ones we never thought we would, invest ourselves deeper into crowds we always thought we should and somehow blend them into one. Basically, our predications for our future are laughable in comparison to God's.

When I was about 6 years old, this ginger girl moved into the house down the street from me. I befriended this girl, or maybe she befriended me, but either way, we were soon inseparable. Then our hearts were crushed and it did more damage than a middle school breakup could ever do when we found out that Heather was moving away again. So we cried and she moved and the end. HA, just kidding. I promise you there's hope in every situation. Basically, Heather moved and we did grow apart. To my knowledge, that was it. But, referring to what I said earlier, someone else had bigger plans. Turns out, Heather decided to go to Mizzou also and as of this fall, we're reunited and picking up our friendship like we never skipped a beat.

My point is, we were meant to spend that time apart to grow separately so that one day we could reunite and be friends again, yet in a different way, each of us ready with new lessons learned to present to the other.

The final step. My favorite. ENJOYMENT. This entire time I've been handling thoughts about returning home wrongly. I carry the privilege of showing the ones I love here what I love there and teaching someone we love something new. We all do.  

On a side-note, oh my goodness, it is just like good ole' times back home. My dear friend, Clarisse from Brazil returned to visit America! She is currently on the other end of my couch. I can sense her fighting sleep as we speak. Or maybe that's me. Aside from Clarisse's time here, I have officially worked a shift at Pog's for the first time in five months. And I enjoyed every bite of that free pizza. Every. Bite. And now I'm sitting here wondering, why was I dreading this? This is the good life. Leaving a wonderful place you're still trying to figure out, to returning to a place you know like the back of your hand. And then blending them together.

Update: Clarisse is now snoring.

In conclusion, we all need each other. We need to absorb and teach but on the other side of it, we need to listen. I don't care who you are or your age. One of my favorite quotes is, "Every person knows something we don't." THAT'S INSANELY AMAZING. Imagine if you walked up to a random stranger and simply asked them, "What is the most valuable lesson you've ever learned?" I bet you it would blow your socks off. L-I-S-T-E-N. We don't do enough of it in this world. We think we know all of the answers when in reality, we're unaware of most of the questions.

I know my two posts so far have been really deep (my comfort zone...ironic), so I promise to do something lighthearted next time, such as what FRIENDS has taught me.

Stay awesome, everyone.

"To answer before listening-- that is folly and shame." Proverbs 18:13