remember and rejoice. look ahead and trust.

Whoa! I can't believe January is already almost over. I hope everyone is having a great new year so far. I know I definitely am. It was incredibly refreshing to be able to spend time at home with my family, dogs and friends (coworkers are friends too). And my bed... Miss you lots already.

Now I'm back in Columbia, adjusting to my new routine, wondering if all of this craziness is the new norm now, starting my new job this week and living the dream, basically.

Through all of this exciting embracement of chaos, the one word always comes back to haunt me. That word is nostalgia.

The definition:
"A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations."

This word has reigned over my life multiple times, specifically in one area of my life. Lately, my dad has been on my heart. I think partially due to the transition from school to home, then home to school. Regardless of the reasoning, I had my fair share of doubt and confusion.

Over Thanksgiving break, I was talking to one of my best friends about all of these changes making me sad. I had a serious "sentimental longing for the past". I explained to her how much I despise those feelings and she told me she was thankful for them. I was confused on her response, until recently, when I reflected on this. The most overused, cliché saying is one that I remind myself DAILY.

"Everything happens for a reason."

You can say it as many times as you want, but you're not going to believe it until you give thanks for your past, no matter how destructive it may be. (Side note: I saw something written with a permanent marker on a wall the other day that read, "Destruction is part of creation." Take that however you please but I thought it was so neat, and I've been thinking about it all week).

With that, I find peace in that 5-word phrase. Peace when I think about me wanting to be a nurse while my dad had cancer, then realizing it wasn't my calling, which led me to journalism. Peace that choosing journalism led me to Mizzou, which brought me to some of the best friendships I have. Peace that some of my most treasured relationships and truth revealed arose from heartache and destruction. The bigs things in our life to us are really small, broken up pieces that reveal how they fit together in beautiful, orderly unity. God is everything, even a scientist, mixing together your painful or joyful experiences, until it's perfected.

"When I'm lost in the mystery, to You my future is a memory, because You're already there."

If you spend too much time longing for what's over, you'll never be content. To think that someday I'll  look back and have nostalgic feelings for my college years, blows my mind. In perspective it's silly to be sad about, for it is shaping me into who I am now (and I'm LOVING it), and it's leading me to where I'm going next. I challenge you to do this, as I myself still need that reminder more times than I can count. Remember and rejoice. Look ahead and trust.

As for me,
"The memory of a righteous man shall be a blessing." Proverbs 10:7

A blessing.